Chewing the Facts is a round up of recent news for Moxy readers to chew on and chat about at their after-work cocktails or during mid-day coffee breaks. Published  twice a month, this brain candy is meant to create an open conversation about the things happening in our world today. 

* * *

NYPD Monitored Muslim Students All Over Northeast

Between 2006 and 2007, the New York Police Department set up clandestine operations to observe the activities of Muslim college students and the Muslim Student Associations (MSAs)  on various college campuses, not all of which are within its jurisdiction. The details of these undercover operations have brought outrage from many of the administrators of said colleges, as well as civil rights groups. The NYPD, (who received tactical assistance from the Central Intelligence Agency in some cases) insists that it was standard operating procedure.

“…the NYPD deemed it prudent to get a better handle on what was occurring at MSAs,” Paul Browne, spokesman for the NYPD, said in a recent email in response to the events. Tanweer Haq, who is chaplain of the MSA at Syracuse University, (one of those observed) stated:

“I see a civil rights violation here…Muslim students want to have their own lives, their own privacy, and enjoy the same freedoms and opportunities that everyone else has.” Read the full story in USA Today.

How the Zebra Got Its Stripes

“A zebra can’t change its stripes,” goes the old adage. And if the latest research by Gábor Horváth and colleagues is correct, no zebra would want to, as those stripes may in fact protect the animal from vicious horseflies and other insects.

According to the research, horseflies are attracted to what is called “horizontal polarized light,” such as that found when the sun reflects off of water, and the hides of darker colored animals. Could it be, Horváth wondered, that zebras (who in utero remain solid black for a time) developed white stripes over time, to disrupt this horizontal polarized light and therefore discourage horseflies? Read the full store at Science Daily.

US Capital Bomb Plot Arrest Capped Yearlong Probe

On February 17th, federal authorities arrested one Amine El Khalifi on charges of terrorism and other crimes.

At the time, El Khalifi believed he was only minutes away from a suicide bombing attack on the United States Capitol building. He was armed with a machine gun and wearing a vest full of explosives.

Both weapons were fakes, and the two associates who brought him to the DC parking deck where he was arrested moments later were undercover federal officers.

Under observation for nearly a year due to various types of suspicious and illegal behavior, El Khalifi had plans to avenge what he saw as a “war on Islam.” His plans took several forms at different times, according to the information gathered. His targets changed from a synagogue, to a popular DC restaurant and finally, in recent weeks, to the U.S. Capitol. Read the full story at the Associated Press. 

Men Behaving Nicely: Selfless Acts By Men Increase When Attractive Women Are Nearby

According to a new study released in the February 2, 2012 issue of The British Journal of Psychology, men tend to display acts of altruism more often when in the presence of women they find attractive, even if the attractive women are not the recipients of the altruism.

65 males were paired with unseen partners to play a computer which required them to either take money from or donate money to other players. Donating money to other players held no promise of positive returns for the giver. The study, conducted by Dr. Wendy Iredale of Sheffield Hallam University and Mark Van Vugt of Oxford University, revealed that most of the male participants gave more money, more often, when observed by an attractive female proctor than when observed by an attractive male proctor.

65 women also participated in the same experiment, but their levels of giving did not change to any statistically significant degree regardless of who was observing them play the game. Read the full story at Science Daily. 

Gas Prices Are Highest Ever for This Time of Year

The unusually bitter cold sweeping across Europe and political troubles involving Iran are just a few of the factors contributing to the increasing prices of oil in the last few months. Shifts, which directly affect the price of American gasoline, are now the highest in history for this time of the year. The average price for a gallon of gas across the country is $3.53, with plenty of places—especially on the always expensive American coasts—charging much more.

And prices are expected to reach even higher; March and April mark perennial increases in the price of gasoline, as producers temporarily shut down operation to switch to so called “summer gas.”

Experts fear that if prices continue to rise the already tepid economic growth in the United States could further slow or stop altogether. $35 billion dollars stand to be lost from the economy for every 25 cents that the price of a gallon of gas increases this year. Read the full story on Yahoo Finance. 

It’s very common to start losing ground on New Year proclamations by Groundhog’s Day. Personally, I think the winter has a great deal to do with that tendency. It’s much tougher to make it to your spinning class when you need to don a down coat and snow boots to get there! The key to getting through the winter doldrums with your goals intact is to create a system of accountability.

The first step to holding yourself accountable is to know your weak spots—the circumstances that set you up to lose ground on your goals. Here are some circumstances I find myself struggling with come February:

• It’s freakin’ cold in February! It takes a lot of oomph to get me out into the world to attend networking events.
• Valentine’s Day brings with it chocolate and other rich foods to indulge in.
• Spring is just around the corner, so there’s the danger of falling victim to “as soon as” thinking when it comes to physical fitness goals. (Read: “As soon as” spring warms things up, I can start running every morning again.)

What do you struggle with during the winter freeze? Spell it out. Once you raise your awareness of your potential pitfalls, it’s time to choose tenacity.

I cannot overemphasize the importance of tenacity. Many of my clients share that they enjoy the ambitious dreaming part of the coaching process and get empowered by the confidence boosting part, but the tenacity part is where the real work begins. That’s because this is where the rubber meets the road–where you decide whether or not this big, juicy, fabulously successful life you have planned out is worth the effort.

So instead of feeling crappy about losing ground on your New Year Resolutions, here is an Audacity Coaching exercise that will help you get it done :

How to Make Everyday Day 1

I love Day 1–that first day of a new campaign to upgrade your life. It is filled with promise and hope and excitement that today is the Day 1 that will set you off on a course toward wonderfulness. It can be Day 1 of a new diet plan or exercise routine, Day 1 of a new job or new home, or Day 1 of a new habit or attitude. Day 1 feels amazing! You feel empowered and excited and fabulous!

So what is the voodoo that Day 1 seems to have over all other days? For one thing, it’s brimming with sincere intention. You don’t label something “Day 1” without the intention that it’s the first day of the rest of your life. Secondly, it just feels great! There’s nothing like that warm-fuzzy-optimistic feeling you get when you decide that today is the day you start making something happen. Finally, it requires a determined mindset. You are more determined on Day 1 to achieve something than ever—and it shows.

Day 57 doesn’t seem to have the same cache. In fact, most people never get to Day 57 with the same level of determination and follow through. Somewhere along the line, the days start running together and your resolve starts to fade. Eventually, you get off track and stop counting the days all together. So, what would you do typically? Shake it off and go back to Day 1 and start from scratch… a little more defeated than last time.

Well no more! Let go of counting the days since that’s getting you nowhere. Instead, make every day Day 1 and give it all of your focus and energy. Screw the 21-days-to-make-a-habit nonsense and short/long-term goal planning. Decide to simply implement TODAY’S plan. Nothing more. Nothing less. By only focusing on meeting your plan for today, you let go of the successes and failures of all other days. Today is the only day you are concerned with and the only thing you need to commit to. You can figure out tomorrow…well, tomorrow.

Here’s how to create a voodoo-licious Day 1 mindset. Create a mental rehearsal script using this recipe:

• State your intention for making today the beginning of something great.
• Identify the source of your optimism.
• Detail how are you going to make it happen today.
  

Intention + Optimism + Determination

Here are some examples of successful mental rehearsal scripts from my coaching clients:

• Today I will start writing my first novel. I know there’s a novel inside of me just waiting to be unleashed. I will protect the hour I have set to write as sacred writing time and produce at least 3 pages.
• Today I will begin being a more confident communicator. I know I have the capacity to assert my opinions at work because I can do it in my private life. I will assert myself in today’s staff meeting and follow-up with my boss as necessary to ensure my concerns and suggestions are heard.
• Today I will nourish myself with proper nutrition and exercise. I know I have all the tools I need to take better care of myself. I will follow my meal plan and go for a 2 mile run before dinner.

Write out your script. Rehearse it again and again. The more specific your script, the better. Make sure your goal is implicit within your script. Execute your script with precision. Feel free to use today’s script again tomorrow, but I encourage you to tweak it and make it more specific to your current day as often as possible.

Article written by Jennie Mustafa-Julock for Moxy Magazine, January 2012. Photo courtesy of flickr user andrechinn.

Walsh’s involvement with this website started the same way many job hunt tales do. After answering an online advertisement for a publication—which Walsh emphasizes did not specify that it was a black interest magazine (comparing themselves to mainstream publications)—she landed a contributor position.

The topic she writes about isn’t race-specific, but upon further observation of the site it’s apparent that her racial ambiguity is intentional on the part of the publication. Anything written by Walsh includes a byline showing only her first initial and last name, which would thwart any efforts to uncover her identity. Walsh says the decision to include only an initial and last name was handled by her superiors.

Articles that are written by other writers—those that are also black women—include bylines with full names. Using their full name offers their audience accessibility and a chance to identify with the writer, something that is hidden from Walsh’s audience. “If the readers found out [I was white] it could be a problem,” says Walsh, explaining that she understands the decision. “I would lose credibility. ” She worries they would feel her advice was patronizing or condescending, instead of reading it with the sincerity she intends.

Coloring Within the Lines

Why, when women have fought long and hard to achieve equal footing with their male counterparts, is there still an unspoken segregation between women of mixed races within the workplace?

Girls today learn early on that, so long as they work hard, they can become doctors, lawyers, firefighters or whatever else they aim to. The path paved by previous generations of feminists has opened up a wide range of professional (and personal) options for women. We ignore any critics who made the mistake of suggesting we should focus on anything other than reaching the top.

Yet despite this common professional progress, there is still a wide gap between women of various races within the workforce. And it seems that women are hesitant to travel across racial lines and discuss these issues.

Trudy Bourgeois, founder of The Center for Workforce Excellence, offers insight into how we can bridge the gap. Bourgeois has built her career by breaking boundaries. Now she works to assist women and people of color with career development and advancement.

First and foremost, Bourgeois points out is that we must ALL recognize that there is a problem. Bourgeois recognizes that white women still do have career battles to face but says they need to recognize they also have advantages over many minorities. “White women are in this bubble thinking that they do not have this advantage that they do,” she says.

Sarah Walsh’s concerns of seeming patronizing to a black audience are not a figment of her imagination, Bourgeois says. “There is a scarcity mentality [among women of color]. People of color will say there are only so many places I can go and not deal with the racial discrimination. Women of color have rooted feelings of ‘I can’t trust you, instead of saying ‘I need white women as allies.’”

Instead, women who have successfully climbed the ladder—regardless of race—need to challenge themselves to make changes. They need to recognize they have the power seat. “Once they do that, they have got to be willing to use their voice in a way that is meaningful,” says Bourgeois. On the other hand, we all also need to be open to accept help—again, regardless of the race of the woman offering it.

The Promised Land

When we were little girls, we were taught that we could accomplish anything. For many, this lesson came at the hands of another woman: a mother, grandmother, teacher, coach or boss. We need to continue passing along that message.

No woman should feel that she is in a position where she cannot offer help or receive help. “We need collaboration. If we can‘t find a space to respect our differences and celebrate our commonalities we will be doomed,” says Bourgeois.

Sarah Walsh agrees, “Even though they may not share similar experiences in all realms of their life, there are some experiences among women that hardly vary. And if a woman wants to offer her help in those areas, her race should have no bearing on whether or not we find that help viable.”

*Name changed to protect identity

Article written by Dorothy Crouch for Moxy Magazine, February 2012. Photo credits: front page by flickr.com user Mann Library. In post, by flickr.com user WeNews. 

Because of this, most need to dust off the books bought in college and grad school in the attempt to relearn subjects they never thought they’d need to implement in their 9-5 job.

Suddenly your undergraduate degree may not take precedence in all of your day-to-day functions; you find yourself reading books on marketing and public relations when you went to school to write and edit. So how do you educate and better yourself in a work environment where you have to wear many hats?

1. Stick With What You Know

(And leave the rest for someone else.)

Brush up on the skills you learned in school but didn’t take seriously. Focus on one or two skills that you really need to know at a time instead of trying to master all of them.  Trying to get your hand in everything might mean failure later on down the road. This is where you learn to delegate tasks  in areas where you are not as strong! Don’t over extend yourself or you will end up feeling burnt out.

2.  Master Effective Delegation

(It will help you get to know your coworkers better.)

No matter what your role is, you will eventually have to tell someoe what to do. Remember all those group projects you either excelled in (or shrugged off) in school? One of the most difficult tasks in a small business is learning how to tell others what to do and because many start ups have a limited work force, you want to communicate what needs to be done as effectively as possible so there are no mistakes or backtracking.

“Effective delegation is most important to a startup founder who is wearing many hats,” says Ryan Paugh, Chief of Staff for the Young Entrepreurs Council and Co-founder of Brazen Careerist. ”Learn to trust your team and delegate tasks to them. Invest in their professional growth and teach them new skills so they can do more. Also, learn to automate processes. The more time you spend upfront on building out process, the more time you’ll save later.”

There will be some stumbling along the way as you gauge where each coworker excels, but when you begin delegating based on their newly discovered strengths, there will be many positive outcomes. Create run books and step-by-step documents that detail how to do certain tasks. Organizing all the little details now will waste less time later (by allowing others to reference your how-to), allowing you to focus on the larger tasks at hand.

3. Learn from your interns

(You were one, once!)

Interns are often thought of as free work. While this may be true, you don’t want to hire just anyone. Take their role seriously and make sure that they come away from their experience with real world skills. Heather R. Huhman, President and Founder of Come Recommended, knows  that interns can bring a fresh approach to your business.

Sometimes it’s hard to see a new way of doing things, if you’ve been following the same processes for forever. “Interns are good at questioning processes and can often see a better way of doing things that a manager might not,”explains Huhman. Good interns can take you out of your role a bit and help you see things in simpler terms.

Interns can often help implement new technology or experiment with new ideas, since their jobs are a less “essential” aspect of your business. They can also bring in new skills and help teach what they know to your staff. But if you are extremely busy or know you may not be the best intern advisor, save hiring an intern for next quarter or consider bringing them on during your slower months. Similarly, if goals for the business are still in the formative stages, you should hold off on hiring an intern.

“You can consider hiring temporary employees or contractors to help with your workload,” says Huhman. ”If you do want to bring on interns, consider what goals you’d like them to reach by the end of the internship period. You don’t want to waste someone’s time when your career goals are still not clear.” Interns are a great investment, just make sure you choose wisely. The better their fit, the less time you will waste.

Article written for Moxy Magazine by Amanda Harkness, February 2012. Image courtesy of flickr.com user Will Folsom. 

Follow these tips to take concrete steps toward improving your physical and emotional health to have a real shot at building a new and better you!

1. Exercise at least 15 minutes each day.

Everyone has 15 spare minutes per day to devote to their health—no excuses—and even this small amount of time is long enough to get results but short enough to spare you the pain or boredom of a long workout you will inevitably begin to find reasons to avoid after the first few weeks. As an added bonus, regular exercise is like a natural treatment for depression that can boost your mood and keep your brain healthy.

2. Make stress relief a daily priority.

Although some amount of stress can be healthy and even encourage productivity, too much stress can cause trouble sleeping, anxiety attacks, lack of motivation and even depressed moods. Spare yourself the pain of high levels of stress by stretching for a few minutes every hour, closing your eyes for a few moments after finishing morning emails, practicing yoga (to combine your exercise with stress relief), praying or meditating during your daily shower, or introducing aromatherapy to your bedtime routine to calm your nerves.

3. Visit with friends.

Women who spend time with friends on a regular basis are less likely to experience anxiety and depression and are more likely to describe themselves as happy, with a strong social support network. Make sure you sneak a few friendly coffee outings or dinner dates into your hectic schedule every month to get the most benefit from your gal pals.

4. Do a puzzle every week.

This includes word games, Sudoku, crosswords, code games and other mental puzzles that are designed to get you thinking (there are even Apps you can get to play against friends or family). Studies show that people who regularly challenge themselves with mental puzzles and mini tests are less likely to experience premature mental deterioration. Make it a habit to play Boggle with the kids on a weeknight or to fill in the weekly crossword puzzle during your Sunday coffee.

5. Eat breakfast—every single day.

Research shows that people who eat breakfast every morning are more likely to be of a healthy weight (probably because eating breakfast decreases the total amount of calories you consume throughout the day by subduing hunger and unhealthy cravings). Eating breakfast also gives your metabolism a morning boost to get your body functioning well mentally and physically all morning.

6. Get a wellness check-up.

If you haven’t been to see your primary care provider in a while, vow to do so yearly. Early detection of potential problems (such as skin cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure or depression) can help you address health issues before they seriously jeopardize your physical and/or mental health. Seeing a physician or nurse practitioner can also allow you to bounce ideas off of him or her regarding new diet or exercise programs and keep you informed about health issues such as performing self-breast exams or keeping weight loss goals realistic for your height and frame.

7. Read or write for fun.

Reading regularly opens up a world of possibilities for your life, your future and your health. It has also been demonstrated that reading fiction may help women deal with stress, perhaps by escaping into a world of stories with different people and concerns than in their own lives. In addition, writing regular journal entries has been shown to relieve stress and alleviate symptoms of depression. No matter what you choose to do, try to express yourself, embrace your creative side and get the most out of your time. Crack open the romance book you have been meaning to read, write a letter to an old friend or start writing a novel.

8. Feed your body well.

Diets rich in fiber, vitamins and minerals, amino acids, healthy fats, complex carbohydrates and lean protein sources can not only power your body, they can also enable effective weight management and improve your mood. Balance your plate—half fruits or vegetables, one quarter lean protein and one quarter complex carbohydrates at every meal. Preparing fresh, whole foods instead of packaged or processed foods can also help reduce your intake of sugar, salt, sodium, additives and preservatives without sacrificing flavor. Eat fast food no more than once per week and limit portion sizes to those recommended by the USDA for a feasible introduction to a healthier diet.

9. Try new things.

They say that variety is the spice of life, but even if your life is already flavorful you can likely benefit from a change-up in your morning routine, exercise regimen, social outings and work endeavors. Try waking up five minutes earlier to stretch in peace and quiet, jogging through a different part of town and keeping an eye out for new local businesses to patronize, signing up for a cooking class with friends, inviting a new co-worker out for drinks or searching for continuing education classes to beef up your resume. Not only can intentional variety help energize you, it can also introduce you to new potential friends or career opportunities, push you past a weight plateau or awaken you to your unknown passion for salsa dancing.

This year, make a commitment to yourself to try the top 9 tips for keeping your mind and body as sharp as they can be. Building a healthier you takes time and effort, but it doesn’t have to feel like hard work. Before you know it, you will be eating well, exercising regularly, meeting new people and learning new things—achieving every woman’s personal goals without even trying!

Article written by Katie Brind’Amour for Moxy Magazine, February 2012. Image courtesy of flickr.com user mikebaird.

Katie Brind’Amoura is a Certified Health Education Specialist with a masters in Biology. She is pursuing her PhD in Health Services Management and Policy. For more from Katie, check out her website, www.kbrindamour.wordpress.com.

Being noticed is an essential aspect of career growth in an environment where women make up a small percentage of the most high-ranking leadership positions. According to a recent Forbes.com article, women comprised 3% of the CEOs of publicly traded companies. Similarly, in a recent release of Forbes 30 under 30, one writer asked, ” where are the women?”  The trend followed suit in Fortune’s Top 40 under 40 list for 2011 where a mere six women made the cut.  That’s approximately 15% for those of you keeping score.

Is it simply that there are no women in these fields? Or is it a function of under-representation in places where they can be talked about?  More importantly, how do women play a role in hindering or furthering their own career trajectory?

While this is a difficult challenge to tease out, one thing is for certain: visibility is playing, and will continue to play, an influential role—not only in recognition of Gen Y women in the workplace, but also in promotion and staying power.

Stephanie MacKendrick has seen the changing landscape of women in the workplace through her three-decade long career in media and communications.  She is the president of Canadian Women in Communications—a national organization with a mission to provide programming, mentorship, networking opportunities and resources for women in communications, media and related industries.

“What feels like bragging to women is often barely talking about,” MacKendrick says, in reference to women’s tendency to shy away from speaking about their achievements. “Women will tend to talk about luck, or having a great team. While that may be important, you have to be able to talk about your part.”

MacKendrick says that women’s careers are often a “silent success.” “There is a misconception amongst women that if you go in to work and do a good job someone will notice.”  More often, she explains, this is not the case and women are as in charge of raising their own profiles as they are of managing their career trajectory.

So what can women do to ensure that they are being noticed, and are able to have a stake in the opportunities that drive and interest them? According to MacKendrick, there are several strategies that can help:

Understand What You are Good at – Understanding how you can contribute, what roles you can play and how you can add value are critical to career success. Once you understand what you are good at, it is easier for others to recognize and promote it.

Make Achieving a Profile Part of Career Management – From the early days of a new career, find ways to leverage your work with opportunities to interact with others. Learn to talk about what you are good at and what expertise you bring. Achieving a profile falls into the same arena as setting career goals and evaluating skills; It is part of career strategy.

Step Up to the Plate – Whether it’s giving a presentation, joining a committee, or blogging, women must step up in order to be seen. Make it easy for others to notice you and become comfortable with being in the spotlight—at least some of the time. When the appropriate opportunity comes along, your name will come up.

Don’t Self-Limit – Considering asking for a raise or applying for that position? Do it. Many women often underestimate themselves, thinking the position might be given to someone more qualified or deserving. If you want something, make it happen. You may or may not get the results you desire, but it is an exercise of extending yourself toward your goals.

Get Comfortable with Technology – It has played a monumental role in changing the way we work and we should make efforts to understand it. Understanding the business environment, how technology impacts your clients and your network is key to raising your profile.  In many cases, it may actually put you ahead of the pack.

Whether you are a new grad just starting out, someone making the leap up to management or striking out on your own as an entrepreneur, a visible profile is essential to any career strategy. Getting noticed can be incredibly rewarding for women who understand their strengths, learn to leverage them and acquire the confidence to step into the spotlight.

Article written by Mehnaz Thawer for Moxy Magazine February 2012. Image courtesy of 05com.

Chewing the Facts is a round up of recent news for Moxy readers to chew on and chat about at their after-work cocktails or during mid-day coffee breaks. Published  twice a month, this brain candy is meant to create an open conversation about the things happening in our world today. 

* * *

Apple Hit By Boycott Call Over Worker Abuses in China

Allegedly deplorable working conditions at Foxconn, one of Apple Computer’s manufacturing plants in China, along with similar conditions at other plants has prompted calls for a possible boycott of the technology giant.

“Should consumers boycott Apple?” was the question posed by a recent column in the Los Angeles Times. And it appeared it was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

“It’s barbaric,” offered Dan Lyons, technology writer for Newsweek. He was joined by Forbes columnist Peter Cohan who wrote this chilling admonition, ”If you add up all the workers who have died to build your iPhone or iPad, the number is shockingly high.”

Apple, no stranger to controversy, was quick to respond to the allegations, first reported by the New York Times. ”We care about every worker in our worldwide supply chain. Any accident is deeply troubling, and any issue with working conditions is cause for concern,” Apple chief executive Tim Cook said in an email to Apple staff members. Read the full story in The Guardian.

Senator’s Humorous Response to Mandatory Ultrasound Bill

Virginia State Senator Jill Vogel was not amused when fellow senator Janet Howell tried to amend her anti-abortion bill, which requires women in Virginia to undergo and pay for ultrasounds before receiving an abortion. Howell introduced text that would require all men to undergo a rectal exam and cardiac stress test before being treated for erectile dysfunction, saying “We need some gender equality here.”

Vogel’s bill was passed. The amendment, however, was defeated in committee but only just barely. The final vote on the required rectal exam was 19 in favor and 21 opposed. Read the full story at Women’s Views on News. 

Wounded Soldier Reunited with His War Puppy, Smoke

Smoke Pup Barbarian is a puppy from Afghanistan. He is so named because U.S. Army soldier Don Eslinger obtained the dog in a trade for three cigarettes while stationed there. During Eslinger’s deployment Smoke Pup went just about everywhere he did.

That is, until Eslinger was seriously wounded in a mortar attack in September of 2011. He was flown first to Germany to recover and then to Walter Reed National Military Health Center in the states. Smoke did not make the trip with him.

Then Eslinger’s squad leader wrote to The Puppy Rescue Mission. “It is amazing how therapeutic a little creature can be,” read the letter. The organization was able to locate Smoke and arranged to reunite him with his war hero master. Read the full story at MSNBC.com.

When Gay is a Choice

In both political and scientific circles the notion that homosexuals, particularly women, are “born that way” is getting somewhat of a second look.

Recent comments by actress Cynthia Nixon, who in a speech insinuated that perhaps she had chosen the lesbian lifestyle, have caused a bit of an uproar in the gay community, but have nonetheless shone light on some new findings pertaining to female sexuality.

“Women’s sexuality is fundamentally more fluid than men’s, permitting greater variability in its development and expression over the life course,” says Lisa Diamond, University of Utah psychology professor and author of the book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire.

John Michael Bailey, psychologist with Northwestern University echoes this notion of what for years has been dubbed “erotic plasticity.”"Man can do what he wants, but he cannot want what he wants,” he said. Read the full story at Salon.

Snow Owls Soar South From Arctic in Rare Mass Migration

Scientists believe that an over-abundance of lemmings this season may account for an extraordinarily large number of Arctic snowy owls migrating much further south than normal this winter. Clutches of the arctic bird, whose diet consists primarily of lemmings, have yielded an average of seven owlets  per nest. The average number during a normal season is two.

“What we’re seeing now—it’s unbelievable.” So says Denver Holt, head of the Owl Research Institute in Montana. “This is the most significant wildlife event in decades.”

The distinctive breed of owl is difficult to study, given that it spends most of its time in remote, inhospitable climates in northern Russia and Scandinavia. And while the theory that the larger-than-normal population of snowy owls must fly further south to find enough lemmings to eat is a viable theory,  experts are not certain exactly why the highly unusual migration is taking place. Read the full story at Reuters.

Article written by Ty Unglebower with help from Erik Friberg for Moxy Magazine, February 2012. 

Take it or Leave it

Dear Kryss,
I’m a guy in my early 40s… and I have a friend (also male, early 40s) who treats his girlfriends badly.  For a few years I’ve watched him treat his recent ex as if she isn’t nearly as attractive or important as a guy should feel about his girl.  They were together for years and recently broke up when she discovered he’d cheated. Now he’s dating someone else and he’s got this girl in love with him, yet he still calls his ex all the time to tell her he loves her.  Obviously I’m not dating my friend, but is it strange that I’m questioning our friendship after watching how he treats others?
– High Standards, NYC

Dear High Standards,
In one word answer, “no.”  Although plenty of people have friends they’d never date, for a variety reasons, you’re describing someone who belittles others and who knowingly puts another person’s physical health at risk, not to mention the emotional trauma one often feels after having been cheated on.

Now that your friend is in a new relationship, and is clearly showing no remorse as he seems to be emotionally cheating on new girlfriend with ex-girlfriend, I have to admit that I’m more concerned for the mental stability of the women in your friend’s life than I am for you.  You seem to be pretty clear on the type of people you want in your life.  I’d guess you already know whether you should keep this “friend” around or you wouldn’t have written… trust your gut.

~

Dear Kryss,
How can I get my boyfriend to exercise without telling him that he’s getting fat? He’s getting a little chubby, truth be told, but the real reason I want him to exercise more is that his father died of a heart attack at a very young age, and we’ve discussed marriage and children and I’d like him to be around into old age. Every time I bring it up he spins it into, “I know I’m a fat mess.” It’s so hard for me to just come out and say, ‘it’s not that, but remember your dad having a heart attack in front of you? I don’t want that to be our kids.’
– Wanting to Sweat to the Oldies Into Old Age, location withheld

Dear Into Old Age,
This can be a tricky one for sure!  You are coming from a place of health, while your boyfriend is coming from a place of appearances.  He’s not hearing what your intentions are and you’re not hearing his emotional response.

Why not try to reassure him while still making your point?  “Honey, I know you think this is about your appearance and, I promise you, it’s not.  I love you and I think you’re incredibly sexy.  It’s because I love you that I want you in my life forever and ever and ever.  I don’t want health issues to mean I lose you far too soon.”

Another option is to choose an activity together that you can share that also happens to be healthy.  Check for local kickball teams, take walks while you share stories about your day, etc. If exercise is tough because it’s winter and freezing, start by working on your eating habits together.  Find ways to introduce healthier meals and set your bodies up for additional weight loss though exercise when the warmer weather comes.  Don’t look at it as having a self-conscious boyfriend, see it as the opportunity for a whole new set of shared experiences!

~

Dear Kryss,
Do you have any advice for how to ‘live in the moment’ (I don’t like that phrase, but it fits)? My boyfriend and I are getting more serious and will be moving in together in the coming months. I am so in love with him and can’t wait to build a home with him and get engaged and start our lives together. He’s made it clear that he wants to marry me and be with me long term, but he’s not as focused on it as I am. He keeps telling me to slow down and enjoy exactly where we are, because what I want will be happening before I know it and I’ll never get our “dating phase” back. I’m trying, but I inevitably start Googling decor ideas for our new joint living room. How do I mentally slow down and start smelling the roses? 

– Warp-Speed, location withheld

Dear Warp-Speed,
This problem isn’t so uncommon.  We spend our lives from day 1 being given guidelines for what we’re supposed to do and what’s supposed to come next; what age you’re to learn to crawl and then how long until you’re supposed to learn to walk, we know that second grade comes after first, etc.  It’s no wonder we’re not so good at just letting things be.  Before we move on to the actual advice, let’s take a moment and applaud your awesome boyfriend for pointing out the truth while also reassuring you… definitely a keeper!  Now to the question at hand.

This is all about re-training your brain away from the milestone-driven world you’ve been raised in, so know that it’ll take a bit of time before it becomes a natural habit.  That said, I’d recommend taking 5-10 minutes each morning and writing down the things you’re excited about for the day and why.  When you’ve listed everything you can think of, force yourself to come up with 2 more items.  Maybe these are big moments such as being glad that Friday means 2 work-free days ahead or maybe it’s something as small as the smile you get from your boyfriend when you walk into the home you share together.  Whatever’s on the list, give yourself the space to think about and appreciate them first thing, before they happen.  Then, when each of those events occur, you’ll be reminded of your list.

You’re essentially getting excited and thinking ahead, but this “ahead” is closer to living in the moment.  The more you practice this the easier it will be to not look so far into the future, but to still enjoy the anticipation and payoff of thinking ahead!

Sincerely,

Want to send in a question? Click here to use our anonymous contact form. 

Article written by Kryss Shane for Moxy Magazine, February 2012.

1. Go Big (First)

When it comes time to stuff that suitcase, start with your shoes and any other odd-shaped items that will end up taking up a lot of space; this way you can fit clothes, socks, and personal items into the nooks and crannies around these items and fit more into the suitcase than if you had packed clothes first. You can also stuff shoes with little items such as jewelry or perfumes—use every space possible!

2. Roll With It

Rather than folding clothing, roll it. This not only helps you save on space, but it also keeps clothes from wrinkling as easily. And it helps you fit clothing into obscure places to maximize on space (refer back to #1).

3. Ditch the Toiletries

Instead of wasting space on tiny shampoo and conditioner bottles use the ones at the hotel room or buy them when you get into your destination. Just about every gas station or convenience store will have them, so why buy them ahead of time?

4. Be ReaLISTic

Write out all the activities you plan on doing while you’re on your trip and then pack accordingly. If you’re going out into the wilderness for a camping adventure then you probably aren’t going to need cocktail attire, just like if you’re going to wineries you won’t really need hiking gear. By listing out what you plan on doing you’ll be able to see exactly what kind of clothes you need, versus just tossing your whole closet into a bag and hoping you can pull something together from it when you need to.

5. Mix and Match for Multiple Outfits

You can make several great outfits out of the same key pieces by mixing and matching tops and bottoms to create different looks. Add a jacket here and a statement necklace there and you can change the whole feel of an outfit without packing an entirely new one. Bring the basics—a good pair of jeans, a versatile skirt, etc. and you can create a whole different look with the same pieces for days!

6. Don’t Shun Doing Laundry

Instead of packing a million different outfits, pack a few and then, of it’s an option, do laundry every few days. There’s a laundromat available almost everywhere you go. This way everything will stay fresh and clean so you’ll always have something to wear, and your suitcase won’t be weighed down with the entirety of your closet.

7. Scale Back on Shoes

Instead of bringing multiple pairs of shoes in a rainbow of colors to go with different outfits, bring neutral colored shoes that will match any outfit. Shoes take up the bulk of a suitcase as it is and by cutting back on quantity you’ll save space and luggage weight.

8. Limit Your Carry-on Items

You probably don’t need, nor will you have time for, all five magazines and seven books that you’d like to read while you’re away from home. So pick one or two and call it a day. You can always buy a new book to read while you’re on vacation or bring an e-reader and upload plenty of options.

 9. Be the Bulk

If you know it’s going to be cold and you want to take a jacket, wear it instead of packing it to save space; that way it doesn’t count towards any checked baggage or carry-on luggage. The same goes for hats, bulky shoes, etc.

 10.  Check the Forecast

The internet allows you to check the weather anytime, anywhere, for any place you’re traveling—so use it! Most sites will let you check a week to 10 days in advance, making it easier to pack appropriately for the weather conditions instead of bringing one of everything.

Packing for a trip requires some strategic planning and organization, but doesn’t have to be as stressful as we so often make it. Make a list, check it twice, and if there’s anything left that has you saying, “Well I may need that,” it’s a probably a good indication that you can leave it at home. Happy travels!

Mary Edwards is one of the contributors and editors for dating sites. She is passionate about thought leadership writing, regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, parenting and online dating communities. She can be reached at edwardsmary936 AT gmail.com.

Written by Mary Edwards for Moxy Magazine, February 2012. Image courtesy of flickr.com user MowT.

And that difference is even greater when comparing 2010’s numbers with those from fifty years ago. In 1960 72% of adults over 18 were married, according to the Pew Research Study, “Barely Half of U.S. Adults are Married—A Record Low”. The report breaks down Gen Y by smaller age groups revealing that in 2010 a measly 9% of 18-24 year olds were married compared with 45% of that age group in 1960. Pew Research also shows that in 1960 a whopping 82% of 25-34 year olds were married, which decreased drastically to 44% in 2010.  There are many reasons why this shift has occurred, how adults are committing to each other and why they are waiting to seal the deal.

Adults now extend their single life

There exists, among many adults, a desire to establish their independence prior to making themselves available to coupledom. They are seeking higher education, a longer career path and more time living an extended single life. Many 18-35 year olds are still interested in marrying—eventually—if it fits into their life plan. Pew Research Center reported a median age for first marriage during the 1960s for brides as 20.3 and grooms 22.8 years.

The increase in today’s median age  (for brides it’s 26.5 and grooms it’s 28.7 years old) is a statement on its own. Adults, it seems, want to achieve their personal goals before marriage. The rising number of young adults enrolled in college, many of whom wait until after graduation to tie the knot, can explain some of that increase—although according to Pew Research they are, in the end, more likely to marry.

“Nearly two-thirds of adults with college degrees (64%) are married; just under half of those with some college education (48%) or a high school education or less (47%) are married. In 1960, the most educated and least educated adults were about equally likely to be married.”

The Impact of the Great Recession

Another study Pew Research Center (Marriage Rate Declines and Marriage Age Rises) points to another reason Gen-Yers may be deciding to wait. The study discovered a 5% decrease in the number of newlyweds (defined as people who married in the previous year) just in the last few years; the research center reports that, “fallout from the Great Recession may be a factor in the recent decrease in newlyweds, although the linkage between marriage rates and economic hard times is not entirely clear.”

The Washington Post reported on this phenomenon saying that last year 7.5 million couples were living together without being married—a 13 percent jump in just one year. “Many had a partner who had lost a job, or they could not afford to maintain two homes.”

As our society adopts a relaxed attitude toward marriage, two unmarried people are able to address the economic issues within their relationship—without the additional pressure to and stress of becoming a married couple. This also may explain why college educated couples are becoming married at a higher rate than those who do not pursue higher education. Couples who contribute two incomes to a relationship are more likely to be financial stable. This financial security promotes overall stability within the relationship.

“Barely Half of U.S. Adults are Married—A Record Low” also explored the notion that marriage itself is becoming outdated. As the rate of marriage has declined the number of people that believe marriage has become obsolete has increased. The report revealed that 39% of U.S. residents surveyed feel that way, an increase from the 28% of those who agreed when surveyed in the 1970s. Despite that, 47% of those surveyed would like to marry one day.

They Want to Avoid Their Parent’s Mistakes

There is one more factor that may be contributing to these figures—during the 1970s and 80s divorce rates were extremely high in the United States and for people who grew up then, the choice to wait may be directly related to those life experiences. “The generation born during a time of rising divorce rates in the 1970s and 1980s say that watching their parents split convinced them not to rush,” reports The Washington Post article. By waiting they hope to avoid the mistakes and, in some cases, severe conflict they witnessed from their parents. Many children who were products of divorce remember bitter court battles and explosive arguments between their splitting parents and don’t want that for themselves or their children—leading them to say “I do… want to wait.”

Article written by Dorothy Crouch for Moxy Magazine, February 2012. Image credits: from the front page by flickr.com user spiritz, and within the article, by flickr.com user Fordos.