Other then for brief blips on the radar our male peers have been much ignored as a group in their own right. As even a quick google search will show, surveys look at Gen Y as a whole, or zoom in on the women—but what happened to the men?

Much of the focus has been on research that shows women coming out on top, like this  Times article on how single women working full-time now have higher salaries than their male peers in several cities. Other media coverage has focused on how more women than men are graduating from college, they are less likely to be suffering from unemployment (having become the majority in the workplace), and they are increasingly becoming more independent.

In fact, ninety-six percent of millennial women worldwide list “being independent” as their most important life goal, according to a recent study conducted by Levi’s (the jeans brand). The study also found that eighty-seven percent defined success as “being able to shape their future.”

So how is this affecting the guys?

If you believe the mainstream coverage, the male reaction to women stepping up has been to devolve into hooligans.

Newsweek wrote:

Once the preserve of whacked-out teens and college slackers, this testosterone-filled landscape is the new normal for American males until what used to be considered creeping middle age, according to the sociologist Michael Kimmel. In his new book, “Guyland,” the State University of New York at Stony Brook professor notes that the traditional markers of manhood—leaving home, getting an education, finding a partner, starting work and becoming a father—have moved downfield as the passage from adolescence to adulthood has evolved from “a transitional moment to a whole new stage of life.” In 1960, almost 70 percent of men had reached these milestones by the age of 30. Today, less than a third of males that age can say the same.

“What used to be regressive weekends are now whole years in the lives of some guys,” Kimmel tells NEWSWEEK. In almost 400 interviews with mainly white, college-educated twentysomethings, he found that the lockstep march to manhood is often interrupted by a debauched and decadelong odyssey, in which youths buddy together in search of new ways to feel like men. Actually, it’s more like all the old ways—drinking, smoking, kidding, carousing—turned up a notch in a world where adolescent demonstrations of manhood have replaced the real thing: responsibility.

Despite what Kimmel’s research may show, and even how the Newsweek piece portrays them, the men we grew up with may not deserve writing off quite yet. The writer of the piece lays out the “bigger picture” while painting himself as the exception, as a guy engaged and looking forward to marriage.

But perhaps he’s not as special as he thinks.

More Than the 1%

While data is limited and somewhat inconclusive, a Match.com survey found single men are just as eager to marry and settle down as women and Alex Wellen shared anecdotal research on CNN that provides evidence men with those view points are out there.

One of the more comprehensive studies out there on all-things-male seems to be the Esquire, and it’s research also shows a number of trends quite opposite those suggested by Kimmel.

Esquire’s 20/50 survey found that when it comes to relationships, more than half 0f men in their 20s had had less than 5 partners, with 28% of men having slept with between 2 and 4 sexual partners, 26% of men having had no sexual partners and 20% having had only 1 partner. In the minority by far, 10% of men in their 20s had had 5 to 8 partners, 5% had had 9 to 12  and only 4% had been with 13 to 15 sexual partners.

And, rather than showing them as sex-driven morons, when asked how often they had cheated on their wife or significant other in the past 2 years, 82% of men said they hadn’t strayed during that time. Sixty-four percent believe that lifelong monogamy is a realistic expectation for a married couple and 63% believe divorce should be used only as a last resort.

Nor do they devalue their female partners. Esquire asked about their ideal version of marriage and the majority of 20-somethings (47%) responded that their wife should “do whatever she wants.” Twenty-nine percent wanted their wives to work outside the home and help with paying the bills. A measly 3% said they’d want to stay home and take care of the kids, but I suspect the results would be similar for that response if the question was asked of their female peers. Twenty percent did say they’d like their spouse to stay home and take care of the kids, but that choice was not the most prevalent.

Less Happy Hour, More Happy Days

And it’s not just the idea of “settling down” that is worth re-thinking. If Esquire is right, they aren’t all drunkards either. It asked the men when they’d last had 5 or more drinks in a single sitting—44% of 20-somethings said “Never” and only 32% had done so within the last three weeks.

The survey also suggests they aren’t so different from female Gen-Yers. While “being independent” wasn’t an option, when asked what their most important goal was a full 60% responded “to be happy,” followed by 19% who chose “to make other people’s lives better.”

So perhaps the truth is more complicated than it seems—or at least more so than mass media might lead you to believe.

Article written by Melissa Breau for Moxy Magazine, November 2011. Image courtesy of VectorPortal via flickr.com.